If you seek the help of a therapist while going through a divorce, it can make a significant difference in how successful you are in moving on with your life. However, not all therapists, no matter how prestigious their alma maters and how many best-selling books they’ve written, are necessarily good at one-on-one counseling. If you’ve never been “in therapy,” it can be hard to know what you should and shouldn’t accept from a therapist. One psychotherapist notes some important “red flags” that people should look out for. — Critical: A good therapist will help you see things about yourself that you should change to have healthier relationships and a happier life. Sometimes that involves a little “tough love.” However, that criticism should never be unkind or insulting. — Self-absorbed: While some therapists will share their own experiences if they believe it’s helpful to their patients, that should be done sparingly. You’re not paying to hear about their lives. Your sessions should focus on you — not your therapist. — Distracted: You should be the sole focus of your therapist during your session. If your therapist is checking emails, sending texts, taking phone calls or even watching the clock, call him or her out on it. You’re paying for that person’s time and expertise. — Inappropriate: Unfortunately, some therapists don’t understand the appropriate boundaries of their professions. While a hug or comforting pat may be welcome and needed, if your therapist’s physical contact moves beyond that or if he or

When heading to divorce, one of the most important things to do is to list out all of your assets and your spouse’s assets. To know what a fair split of your property will look like, you need to know exactly what property is there. This is something that sounds easy on the outside. Wouldn’t both people naturally know how much money was in the bank, how much was saved for retirement and how much was invested? You hear stories about spouses hiding money, but they seem curious if you assume that couples talk about money and know what should be there. Well, a new study showed that couples don’t actually talk about this as much as you may think. Couples were asked if they knew how much their partner had saved up for retirement. They weren’t even asked to give an exact figure, but just to give a ballpark number — $10,000, for example, or $200,000. In 21 percent of the cases, they simply couldn’t do it. Experts note that there could be a distinct decision not to disclose these amounts. People may feel that financial information is personal and they’re not interested in opening up all aspects of their lives, even after marriage. However, they do admit that, for some couples, the question just never came up and was never addressed. Regardless, though, this shows how difficult property division can be. It doesn’t matter why you don’t know what your partner has; it just matters that you don’t.

An heir to the Educor Inc. fortune will receive millions from a trust, and a court recently ruled that he does not have to pay his ex-wife out of that money. The money comes from a trust that the man’s father set up, which contains around $24 million total. The man also works for an Educor subsidiary as an assistant bookstore manager, and he brings in $170,000 per year. On top of that, the man’s brother paid him about $800,000 out of the trust. The brother is in charge of distributing the money. The man’s ex-wife, on the other hand, has been part of the Army Reserves and worked as a part-time ultrasound technician, making $22,672. She quit her post with the military just two years before she would have been eligible for a pension. Reports indicate that she did it to take care of her daughter, at the insistence of the family. Her daughter has Down syndrome. An appeals court had previously ruled that the man needed to turn over about 60 percent of the money from the fund, along with some interest, saying that it was part of the “fabric of the marriage.” The total he was meant to pay was $1.4 million. However, the Supreme Judicial Court recently decided that he should not have to pay since he was not the one in control of the fund, and there was technically the chance that he may not get payments in the future. The man’s lawyer agreed with

For those getting divorced, it’s very easy to focus on the social and emotional sides of the split. While these things are important, it’s crucial to remember the legal side of the divorce, as well, and it comes with a lot of documentation. You don’t want to overlook anything, so consider the following examples of documents you may need: 1. Change of ownership forms that go along with your investments. If you’re saving for retirement, you want to make sure that you still have access to your funds — and that you’re the only one who does. 2. Beneficiary alteration forms. You probably listed your spouse as the beneficiary on your life insurance policy, and it is time to change it over to another relative, such as a sibling or a child. 3. A Qualified Domestic Relations Order, commonly known as a QDRO. This can be used if you get benefits — like a pension plan — from your employer. Your spouse may be entitled to a portion of those benefits. 4. Title change forms for your major assets. Things like your family home or your car may be in both of your names. Most couples either transfer these assets into just one person’s name or sell them off and divide the money. 5. Your will. This is perhaps the most important document to alter after a divorce, as you want to be sure the right people are given your estate when you pass away. It can be tough to

When there is a great disparity between the individual wealth of the spouses in a high asset divorce, the marital assets and resources can become symbolic of the failure of the marriage. When this happens, sometimes one spouse will unreasonably try to tie up a divorce in order to exact a kind of revenge on the other. Former partners can get hopelessly bogged down haggling over wine collections or antique cars and running up their respective attorneys’ bills. Mediation may be helpful when trying to reach accord on some sticking point in a high asset divorce. One thing that is important to consider when there are children involved is that it can foster confusion and resentment in the kids when one parent has a vastly different lifestyle than the other post-divorce. When one parent earns a great deal of money or comes from a background of wealth but the other parent has few resources, children shuttling back and forth between the two may struggle with living two very different lifestyles. Ensuring that the less well-heeled spouse does not end up penurious is often the best solution for all concerned. This doesn’t mean that the parents will have the same amount of wealth, but will provide the minor children with all that they need to live comfortably in both households. If you have concerns over the financial settlement in your pending divorce because your soon-to-be ex-spouse is independently wealthy, retaining a family law attorney who is very familiar with asset valuation